Sister Wives – “King” Kody Brown Killed Polygamy (The King Is Dead, Long Live The King?)

For some reason I can’t explain/

I know Saint Peter won’t call my name

– Viva La Vida – Coldplay

When he ruled the world, Kody Brown was the king of polygamy, but the Sister Wives star lost control. Now, thanks to his hubris, he’s bringing the entire plural marriage system down. When he began appearing on the reality show, he wanted to make viewers believe that polygamy was a good thing. Kody was interested in normalizing something that was part of a “fringe” subculture. Kody said love should be, “multiplied, not divided.” However, there’s so little love in season 18. Plural marriage seems awful, and Kody bears most of the responsibility for the Brown family’s disturbing dynamic.

Reality TV show star Kody could have kept his vows to Meri, Janelle and Christine Brown – not just Robyn Brown. By neglecting three of his wives, the Sister Wives season 18 star abused his patriarchal power. Polygamy’s poster boy dropped the ball, definitively proving that plural marriage is dead wrong and harmful. The flaws of an antiquated system, where the emotional needs of women are never, ever respected, were magnified onscreen. It wasn’t a pretty picture. How can anyone believe in plural marriage now?

Christine Was Right To Leave Kody

For some reason, I can’t explain

Once you’d gone, there was never, never an honest word

Viva La Vida – Coldplay

In plural marriages, women are supposed to come to terms with, “sacred loneliness.” In other words, they’re supposed to suffer silently in order to keep a polygamous family intact. At some point, Christine couldn’t take it anymore. Always the most forthright of the bunch, Christine has trouble hiding her emotions. When Kody’s neglect of Christine got really extreme, she bailed out. She faced the fact that nothing would ever change.

Now, in season 18, the honest, brave and inspiring woman that is Christine is attempting to become friends with her ex, rather than baying for his blood. That’s a mature approach, but Kody sees treachery everywhere. He thinks Christine’s playing some kind of game. Like a tyrant whose power’s on the wane, he doesn’t trust anyone.

Now, he’s lost Christine, who at least told the truth. Offscreen, he’s lost everyone but Robyn, who’s known for glossing over reality. Sometimes, it seems like Robyn keeps Kody happy by lying to him and propping up his delusions. In Sister Wives season 18, his polygamous empire’s fading and destined to die.

Robyn’s still fiddling while Rome burns i.e. putting on an act onscreen. However, offscreen, she’s taking off her armor. She’s shedding her persona and showing fans who she really is. Robyn hates polygamy just as much as Meri, Janelle and Christine do, and she’s not hiding it anymore.

Plural Marriage Makes Women Miserable

Polygamy puts power into the hands of men who may not know how to wield it in mindful and compassionate ways. Some turn into less-than-benevolent dictators. Kody’s like that. Posing as a Christian crusader, Kody’s done terrible things to his less-loved spouses, and hidden behind religion. Now, he’s twisting his exes’ minds with “plural monogamy” talk that allows him to sleep only with Robyn, but maintain the illusion that he’s a polygamist.

Dictatorships are bad. They just aren’t democratic. Polygamy’s like a tiny dictatorship, and when women rebel, it doesn’t always go their way. Meri, lonely because Kody loves Robyn, not her, tried to find some type of freedom, happiness and meaning. She ended up humiliated, after being catfished by a woman posing as a man.

Did she really deserve the mockery that she got? Was she supposed to live the rest of her life without being loved? Sure, it was technically cheating, and it backfired horribly, but wasn’t she just searching for happiness? Trapped in a spiritual union that gave her no fulfillment whatever, spiritually or otherwise, her heart ached.

Meri tried to fix the situation by adding passion to her life. Afterward, Kody treated her like she was a jezebel. He might as well have sewn a scarlet letter on every one of her LuLaRoe shirts. Meanwhile, he had NOTHING to give her. This kind of catch-22 is the reason why polygamy sucks.

Kody the dictator can choose to favor any wife he wants. He can be fickle, or commit to just one woman. He can leave the others whistling in the wind. He can spend more money on one wife than another, and give more attention to his favorite’s kids. Like a tyrant, he can create an inner circle and excommunicate anyone who doesn’t measure up to whatever ideals or desires he has at any given moment.

Kody never forgave Sister Wives’ Meri Brown, even though she had valid reasons for trying to connect with someone else. He punished Meri in many cruel ways. While he did, she may have felt that God would punish her if she left the plural marriage. So often, polygamy puts women in no-win situations. Meri’s a prime example.

In a plural marriage, the man does whatever he wants, and the women can’t make mistakes. If they do, they may lose any standing that they have in polygamous families. In that sense, they can’t be fully human. God’s supposed to forgive, but there’s no guarantee that a patriarch in a plural marriage will show mercy.

Kody’s changed, growing harsher over time. In Viva La Vida, Chris Martin plays the tyrant, singing, “People couldn’t believe what I’d become.” In Sister Wives season 18, his wives (even Robyn) just doesn’t know who he is anymore. His love for Robyn corrupted him. Kody stopped trying with the other women, and he’d vowed to be their husband too. Holding up his patriarch status like a shield, he’s on the defensive. He’s never wrong. He’s never really sorry.

Plural Marriage Makes Men Miserable

In Viva La Vida, Chris also sings, “I know St. Peter won’t call my name.” He’s saying that he probably won’t make it to Heaven. The song’s tyrant suspects that he’s sinned too much. Does Kody ever think, “I failed Meri, Janelle, and Christine? I failed my faith” ? He should, but maybe he doesn’t.

In season 18, his exes, except Christine, aren’t in the best situations. Janelle has no money, according to her. That’s very serious, and one of the reasons why is because she did what Kody wanted. She obeyed the patriarch by sinking her money into the doomed Coyote Pass project. Meri’s feeling so isolated from the family, and describing herself as a, “third wheel.” This stuff is grim. It’s not minor in any way. Does Kody ever say he’s sorry? No, he doesn’t. Instead, he blames the women, brainwashed by patriarchal thinking that makes him believe he’s always right. The woman can’t be right – only the man can think rationally!

It’s Not Just The Brown Family… Polygamy Is Harmful Everywhere

Polygamy’s a system that needs to die. If there’s any silver lining in all the pain and suffering that Kody’s non-Robyn wives have experienced, it’s that they may be helping to bring this sexist practice down. While everyone should follow the faith that they believe in, or eschew faith if it doesn’t make sense to them, polygamy’s beyond faith. It’s a practice that keeps women down, and it doesn’t always fulfill men either. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. The patriarch has to try to please everyone, and if he stops, he’s no longer a benevolent dictator. The man also can’t win.

However, plural marriage hurts women the most. According to a scientific study published in the ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry, it’s a “very common experience that discriminative behaviour of the husbands and unequal treatment with their wives causes several mental health issues in polygamous families. These are jealousy, poor marital satisfaction, unhealthy competition, lack of trust, and many other mental health problems.”

As Sister Wives season 18 rolls on, those words from the psychiatric journal ring so true. No one’s happy, and everyone deserves happiness. However, Kody’s inability to apologize for the way he’s treated Meri, Janelle and Christine is the biggest problem of all. Even if the family is over as a plural unit, he could apologize, instead of acting like he’s never done anything wrong. A sincere apology is long overdue and certainly wouldn’t hurt. After all, he shares children with his rejected wives. They’re the mothers of his kids. Someday, he might realize that they’re his equals.

By hurting plural marriage’s “image,” Sister Wives season 18 star King Kody’s doing his part, by actually helping to destroy polygamy. He obviously doesn’t even believe in it anymore, although he might not want to be the “destroyer.” Sometimes, fate intervenes, putting people in roles that they wouldn’t have expected.